What clothes does a house wear?

Address.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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