What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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How many Klingons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and take all the credit.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin!
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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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