What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!
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What kind of jam can you not eat?

A traffic jam.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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What is a snowman's favorite breakfast?

Frosted Flakes!
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