What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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What is a baby's motto?

If at first you don't succeed, cry and cry again!
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