What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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