What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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What's brown and looks really good on a lawyer?

A Doberman.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What did the painter say to the wall?

I got you covered.
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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