What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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I stayed up all night because I wanted to see where the sun went,

and then it dawned on me.
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