What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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What's brown and looks really good on a lawyer?

A Doberman.
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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