What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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Why did a boy thow a clock out the window?

To see time fly.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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