What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?

None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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How many running-dog lackeys of the bourgeoisie does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to exploit the proletariat, and one to control the means of production!
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