What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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