What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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What can you hold without ever touching it?

A conversation.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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Three people were in a boat. They all fell off. Only two people ended up with wet hair. Why didn't the other person's hair get wet?

Because he was bald!
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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