What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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