What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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What country makes you shiver?

Chile.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What is black when clean, and white when dirty?

A blackboard.
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What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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What's the difference between a snow man and a snow woman?

Snow balls!
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