What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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How does an Eskimo stick his house together?

With igloo!
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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Why are the middle ages sometimes called the Dark Ages?

Because they had so many knights.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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