What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends on what you want to change it into.

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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.

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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper

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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.

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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth

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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.

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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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