What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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