What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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What kind of jam can you not eat?

A traffic jam.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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What clothes does a house wear?

Address.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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