What country makes you shiver?

Chile.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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