What country makes you shiver?

Chile.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What is a spaceman's favorite chocolate?

A marsbar!
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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