What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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