What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What did the painter say to the wall?

I got you covered.
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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