What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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A seal walks into a club...
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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