What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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What bird can lift the most?

A crane.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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