What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

Great food, no atmosphere.
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Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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