What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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