What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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