What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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