What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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