What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!

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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh

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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.

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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.

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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"

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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"

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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.

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