What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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