What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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