What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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How do you make a rock float?

Put it in a glass with some ice cream and root beer.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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