What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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