What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but they're really only one.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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