What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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A Bhuddist monk goes to a hotdog stand

and says make me one with everything.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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What kind of dress can't be worn?

Address.
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