What did Cinderella say to the photographer?

Some day my prints will come.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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