What did Cinderella say to the photographer?

Some day my prints will come.
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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