What did Cinderella say to the photographer?

Some day my prints will come.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling well!
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