What did Cinderella say to the photographer?

Some day my prints will come.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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