What did Cinderella say to the photographer?

Some day my prints will come.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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