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What did Cinderella say to the photographer?
Some day my prints will come.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?
The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?
No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?
Take away his credit card
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.
Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?
A pair of Re-Bachs.
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?
Because he wears a size "S".
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I'm on a whiskey diet.
I've lost three days already.
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.
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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?
To see how long he slept.
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