What did Cinderella say to the photographer?

Some day my prints will come.
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What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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