What did Cinderella say to the photographer?

Some day my prints will come.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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