What did Cinderella say to the photographer?

Some day my prints will come.
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?

One; she designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one, and screw itself in.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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