What did Delaware?

A New Jersey.
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.
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"Dyslexic man walks into a bra"
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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