What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.

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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck

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