What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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Have you heard the joke about the butter?

I better not tell you, it might spread.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin!
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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A man goes to a zoo and discovers there is only one animal and it's a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu
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