What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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