What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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