What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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