What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.

A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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