What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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When is a door not a door?

When it's ajar!
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