What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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