What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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Which reindeer likes to clean?

Comet
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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