What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.

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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.

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How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What kind of answer did you have in mind?

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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle

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