What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Agnostics question whether electricity really exists.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What do ghosts eat for supper?

Spooketi
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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