What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How many PA' does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What's a light bulb?
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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