What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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