What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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