What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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