What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?

Owlgebra
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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