What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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Why did the banana split?

It saw the ginger snap.
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How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?

10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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