What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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Why did the basketball player bring his suitcase to his game?

Because he traveled a lot.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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