What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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How many Einsteins does it take to change a light bulb?

That depends on the speed of the change and the mass of the bulb. Or vice versa, of course. It just might be easier to leave the bulb and change the room. It's all relative.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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