What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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What kind of table has no legs.

A multiplication table.
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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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