What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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So I was on a train with Einstein and he turns to me and asks...

Does Boston stop at this train?
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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