What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What's a frog's favorite drink?

Croak-a-cola.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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