What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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Why do you think Civil Disobedience was such a fantastic essay?

Thoreau editing Thorough.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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