What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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