What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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