What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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