What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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