What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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What's the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has the most stories.
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What is the best time to go to the dentist?

Tooth-hurty.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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