What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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