What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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