What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.

A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
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What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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