What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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What did Tennessee?
The same thing Arkansas.
What did Delaware?

Her New Jersey.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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