What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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What did the clock do after it ate?

It went back four seconds!
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