What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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What is a baby's motto?

If at first you don't succeed, cry and cry again!
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Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?

It saves time in the long run.

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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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