What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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