What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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