What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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