What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?

Skeet.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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How many supply-siders does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The darkness will cause the bulb to change by itself.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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