What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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What's the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has the most stories.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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