What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?

A tattoo.

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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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