What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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