What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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How many members of the United Church of Canada does it take to change a light bulb?

How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the light bulb has chosen an alternative light-style?
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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