What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling well!
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?

When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
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