What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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