What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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