What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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What does cheese like to drink?

Morbier
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What do basketball players and babies have in common?

They both dribble.
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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