What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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