What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

Many hands make light work.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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What's green and flies as fast as a speeding bullet?

Super Pickle!
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Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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