What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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What do you call 25 attorneys buried up to their chins in cement?

Not enough cement.
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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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