What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What did the clock do after it ate?

It went back four seconds!
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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