What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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There was a rooster sitting on a top of a barn. If it laid an egg, which way would it roll?

Roosters don't lay eggs!
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Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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