What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That's a software problem.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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How many PA' does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What's a light bulb?
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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