What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.

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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.

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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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