What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

A screwdriver.
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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