What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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