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What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?
"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.
But that's just nuts
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What are pirate's favoite treat?
Chips AHOY!!
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Were does a boat go when it is sick?
To the dock.
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What do you call a thieving alligator?
A crookodile
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Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?
Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?
Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.
It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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What is a tree's favorite drink?
Root beer.
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Why was the piano player arrested?
Because he got into treble with the cops
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