What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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I think I want a job cleaning mirrors.


It's something I could really see myself doing.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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