What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

You crack me up!
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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