What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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