What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 ate 9.
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How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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