What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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How do you know when its Michael Jacksons bed time ?

When the big hand touches the little hand
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