What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?

I don't know. There are some things even a blonde won't do.
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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