What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?

One; she designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one, and screw itself in.
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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