What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What does cheese like to drink?

Morbier
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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