What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?

One.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?

Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to the experience.
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