What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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