What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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Why was the baseball game so hot?

Because all the fans left!
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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