What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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Two girls were born on the same day, same year, same parents, except they are not twins. Explain:

They are triplets.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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