What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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