What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over

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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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What 7 letters did Lizzy say when she opened the refrigerator and found it empty?

O I C U R M T

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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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