What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?

They had reservations.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor?

Silverware.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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