What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin'!
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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A man goes to a zoo and discovers there is only one animal and it's a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu
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What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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