What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin'!
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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What is a tornado's favorite game?

Twister!
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