What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin'!
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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