What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin'!
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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A seal walks into a club...
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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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