What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin'!
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What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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