What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin'!
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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