What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin'!
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How many Feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

That's not funny!!!
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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