What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin'!
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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