What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin!
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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