What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin!
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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