What did one egg say to the other egg?

You crack me up!
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.

A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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