What did one egg say to the other egg?

You crack me up!
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?

They had reservations.
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