What did one egg say to the other egg?

You crack me up!
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Where is a rabbit's favorite place to eat?

Ihop
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Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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What makes music on your hair?

A head band!

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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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