What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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