What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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