What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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Where do you learn to make banana splits?

In sundae school.
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How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .
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