What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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What is black when clean, and white when dirty?

A blackboard.
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When can't you see a cheese?

When it's pasteurised...
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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I'm sorry we can't let the elephants back into the public pool.

They keep dropping their trunks.
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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