What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What would you call a humorous knee?

Fun-ny!
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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Where is a rabbit's favorite place to eat?

Ihop
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