What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes,

he's a catholic converter.


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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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How do you handle dangerous cheese?

Caerphilly.
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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