What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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