What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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How many orgy attenders does it take to change a lightbulb?

As many as possible, and don't *ask* what they do with the old bulb.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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