What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That's a software problem.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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How many Bell Labs vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

That's proprietary information. The answer is available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
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