What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How many referral agents does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.
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What clothes does a house wear?

Address.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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What do you call a sad bird?

A bluebird!
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