What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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And the mermaid, that was weird. What was she wearing in math class?

An Algae-bra
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What did the baby corn ask the mother corn?

Where is pop corn?
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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