What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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What kind of dress can't be worn?

Address.
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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