What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream!
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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