What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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