What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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How many Marxists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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