What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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Two girls were born on the same day, same year, same parents, except they are not twins. Explain:

They are triplets.
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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