What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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What did the light bulb say to its mother?

I wuv you watts and watts.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What would you call a humorous knee?

Fun-ny!
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?

Wet.
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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