What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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When is a door not a door?

When it's ajar!
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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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