What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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