What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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