What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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