What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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What did the alien say when he was out of room?

I'm all spaced out!
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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What's the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has the most stories.
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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