What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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What is the difference between a fly and superman?

Superman can fly, but a fly cannot superman!
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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When is a door not a door?

When it's ajar!
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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