What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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