What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
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Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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