What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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When can't you see a cheese?

When it's pasteurised...
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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