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What did one eye say to the other?
Between you and me, something smells.
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Why did the tree go to the dentist?
It needed a root canal.
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?
A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?
Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?
By relocating it to a casino!
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?
Camembert.
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What concert costs 45 cents?
50 cent featuring Nickelback
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?
The Flea Stooges!
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?
An in-car-nation.
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?
A dino-sewer.
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