What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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Why does everybody like Frosty the Snowman?

Because he is so cool!
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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