What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What do you call two banana peels?

Slippers.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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