What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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What is an astronauts favorite key on the keyboard?

The space bar!
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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