What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?

Nearly unanswerable, since the one who tries to change it usually drops it, and the others call for a planning session.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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When can't you see a cheese?

When it's pasteurised...
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Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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