What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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