What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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