What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
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Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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