What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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What is an astronauts favorite key on the keyboard?

The space bar!
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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