What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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How did the bubble gum cross the road?

On the bottom of the chicken's foot!
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What is Donald Trump telling all his supporters?


Orange Is The New Black.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?

A tattoo.

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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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