What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?

One; she designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one, and screw itself in.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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