What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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