What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?

"Feel the World."
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How do they serve smart hamburgers?

On honor rolls.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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