What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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