What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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