What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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