What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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