What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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There was a rooster sitting on a top of a barn. If it laid an egg, which way would it roll?

Roosters don't lay eggs!
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What do you call two banana peels?

Slippers.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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