What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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And how come her cell phone bill was so high?

She was a Roman (roamin) Catholic
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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