What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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