What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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What did the snowman say to the customer?

Have an ice day!
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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