What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What do you call a rabbit with beetles all over it?

Bugs Bunny.
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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