What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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