What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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