What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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What did the painter say to the wall?

I got you covered.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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