What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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