What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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What do you call a rabbit with beetles all over it?

Bugs Bunny.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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