What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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How many orgy attenders does it take to change a lightbulb?

As many as possible, and don't *ask* what they do with the old bulb.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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