What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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