What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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Three people were in a boat. They all fell off. Only two people ended up with wet hair. Why didn't the other person's hair get wet?

Because he was bald!
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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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How many Bell Labs vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

That's proprietary information. The answer is available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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