What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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How do crows stick together in a flock?

Velcrow.

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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.

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Anyone know any jokes about sodium?

Na
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