What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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