What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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