What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What country makes you shiver?

Chile.
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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