What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

None; the Bible doesn't mention any light bulbs.
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Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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