What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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When can't you see a cheese?

When it's pasteurised...
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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Were does a boat go when it is sick?

To the dock.
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What was the farmer doing on the other side of the road?

He was catching all the chickens!
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