What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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