What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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