What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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