What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What did one flower say to the other flower?

Hey, bud!
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How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That's a software problem.
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