What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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What are the 10 letters of the pirate alphabet?

Aye, Aye, Arr and the Seven C's
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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