What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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