What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter rabbit?

Bugs Bunny.
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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