What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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Where do all the letters sleep?

In the alphabed.
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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