What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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