What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A tree in a golden forest.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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