What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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How many lawyer jokes are there?

Only three. The rest are true stories.
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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How many orgy attenders does it take to change a lightbulb?

As many as possible, and don't *ask* what they do with the old bulb.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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