What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it

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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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