What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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