What did one magnet say to the other?

I find you very attractive.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What can you put in a barrel to make it lighter?

Holes.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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