What did one magnet say to the other?

I find you very attractive.
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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