What did one magnet say to the other?

I find you very attractive.
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How many lawyer jokes are there?

Only three. The rest are true stories.
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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