What did one magnet say to the other?

I find you very attractive.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?

A Moo-sician!

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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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