What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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