What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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What's the best parting gift?

A comb.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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Why is b always cool?

Because it's between ac.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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Why did Lil Wayne go to the Doctor?

He was feeling a Lil Weezy

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