What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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What bird can lift the most?

A crane.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Who did Frankenstein take to the dance?

His "ghoul" friend!
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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