What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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