What did one tooth say to the other tooth?

The dentist is taking me out tonight.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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