What did one tooth say to the other tooth?

The dentist is taking me out tonight.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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What does the toast wear to bed?

Jammies!
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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