What did one tooth say to the other tooth?

The dentist is taking me out tonight.
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What does new age music sound like played backwards?

New age music.

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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What kind of answer did you have in mind?
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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