What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.


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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me

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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What breakfast cereal does Frosty the Snowman eat?

Snowflakes.
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark

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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.

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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.

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