What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?

It saves time in the long run.

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