What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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What do you call a sad bird?

A bluebird!
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How many subscribers to AOL does it take to change a light bulb?

What? You can change light bulbs?
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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