What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be baygulls!
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What did the painter say to the wall?

I got you covered.
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Why did Mickey Mouse go to outer space?

He was looking for Pluto.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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