What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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