What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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How do you make an egg laugh?

Tell it a yolk.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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Why is tennis such a loud game?

Because each player raises a racquet.
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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