What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

First they have to agree on which is better; the analog bulb or a digital bulb.
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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