What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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