What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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Why did the rooster cross the road?

To prove he wasn't a chicken!
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor?

Silverware.
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