What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've got you covered!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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How do you cut a wave in half?

Use a sea saw.
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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