What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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