What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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How did Ben Franklin feel after discovering electricity?

Shocked.
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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How many teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?

``Twelve. Ya got a problem with that?''
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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