What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What bird can lift the most?

A crane.
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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How does the ocean say hello?

It waves.
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