What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?

Not enough sand.
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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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Why did Lil Wayne go to the Doctor?

He was feeling a Lil Weezy

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If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?

Wet.
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.

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