What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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How many dadaists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

To get to the other side.
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.
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What is the chemical formula for "banana"?

BaNa2
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