What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?

Wet.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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