What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick.
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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