What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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What is the difference between a fly and superman?

Superman can fly, but a fly cannot superman!
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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What do you call a song sung in an automobile?

A cartoon.
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What do you get if Bach falls off a horse but has the courage to get on again and continue riding?

Bach in the saddle again.

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