What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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What do bees do with their honey?

They cell it.
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What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?

A tattoo.

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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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