What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes,

he's a catholic converter.


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