What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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How many members of the United Church of Canada does it take to change a light bulb?

How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the light bulb has chosen an alternative light-style?
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