What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut

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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin!
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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Why does everybody like Frosty the Snowman?

Because he is so cool!
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.

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