What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes,

he's a catholic converter.


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When the attendant asked the photon if it had any bags to check

It said Nah, I'm traveling light.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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