What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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Why does the Easter Bunny have a shiny nose?

His powder puff is on the wrong end.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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So I was on a train with Einstein and he turns to me and asks...

Does Boston stop at this train?
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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How do you know when the moon has enough to eat?

When it's full.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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