What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What do you call two banana peels?

Slippers.
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What is Donald Trump "really" trying to do?

Make America Hate Again.
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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