What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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