What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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