What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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