What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.
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