What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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Why does everybody like Frosty the Snowman?

Because he is so cool!
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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How can you get four suits for a dollar?


Buy a deck of cards.
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