What did one wall say to the other?

I'll meet you at the corner.
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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