What did one wall say to the other?

I'll meet you at the corner.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What did the rug say to the floor?

Don't move, I've got you covered.
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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?

A tattoo.

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How many Klingons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and take all the credit.
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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