What did one wall say to the other?

I'll meet you at the corner.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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Who's richer — the butcher, the baker, or the candlestick maker?

The baker, because he has lots of dough.
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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