What did one wall say to the other?

I'll meet you at the corner.
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How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.

A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What is always hot in the refrigerator?

Chili
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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