What did one wall say to the other?

I'll meet you at the corner.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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