What did one wall say to the other?

I'll meet you at the corner.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.

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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.

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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.

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