What did one wall say to the other?

I'll meet you at the corner.
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .

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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.

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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.

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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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