What did one wall say to the other?

I'll meet you at the corner.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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