What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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PMS jokes are not funny...

[Period]
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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What is a ghost's favorite pie?

Booberry pie!
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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