What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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How many Mensans does it take to tell Mensa light bulb jokes?

Five. One to tell the joke and one to get it.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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