What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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And the mermaid, that was weird. What was she wearing in math class?

An Algae-bra
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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