What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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The oddly pleasant feeling of looking down on a physist as they drink the last of their beer.

The strange charm of a top down bottoms up.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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