What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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What do you call a snowman in the desert?

A puddle!
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How many technical writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, provided there is a programmer around to explain how to do it.
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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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