What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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