What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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