What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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What's the only difference between Donald Trump and Bozo the Clown?

Bozo The Clown has real hair on his head.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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