What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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How do you make a rock float?

Put it in a glass with some ice cream and root beer.
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Where did the music teacher leave her keys?

In the piano!

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