What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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