What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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