What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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When is a door not a door?

When it's ajar!
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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