What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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