What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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