What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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