What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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How many Cabbage Patch dolls does it take to change a light bulb?

The question is irrelevant, since you couldn't find the dolls even if you knew how many. (Note: Well, this was a good joke in 1983-84. . . .)
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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What's black and white and red all over?

A newspaper!
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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