What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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