What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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