What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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