What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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