What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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