What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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When is a door not a door?

When it's ajar!
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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Anyone know any jokes about sodium?

Na
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