What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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