What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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