What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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How do you catch a unique bird?

Unique up on it.
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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?

10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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