What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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