What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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