What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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How many ergonomicists does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. Four to decide which way the bulb ought to turn, and . . .
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What did one tooth say to the other tooth?

The dentist is taking me out tonight.
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