What did Tennessee?

The same thing Arkansas.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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