What did Tennessee?
The same thing Arkansas.
What did Delaware?

Her New Jersey.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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