What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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