What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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