What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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How many PA' does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What's a light bulb?
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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Two satellites decided to get married.

The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was incredible!
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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