What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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How many PA' does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What's a light bulb?
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Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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What is the chemical formula for "banana"?

BaNa2
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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