What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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