What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

Many hands make light work.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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