What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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