What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?

"Feel the World."
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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