What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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How many lawyer jokes are there?

Only three. The rest are true stories.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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How did the bubble gum cross the road?

On the bottom of the chicken's foot!
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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What's the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has the most stories.
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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