What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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What do you call 25 attorneys buried up to their chins in cement?

Not enough cement.
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What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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Some people believe that becoming a vegitarian is just a mistake...

A Missed-steak.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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