What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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