What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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