What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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Do you know what the Queen's father was called?

King.
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And the mermaid, that was weird. What was she wearing in math class?

An Algae-bra
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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