What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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How many Bell Labs vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

That's proprietary information. The answer is available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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What does cheese like to drink?

Morbier
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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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