What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
Your Honor.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50

Senator.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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