What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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