What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.

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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.

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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut

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What do you call a fairy who doesn't take a bath?

Stinker Bell.

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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.

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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.


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