What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?

It saves time in the long run.

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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?

He was a dirty double crosser!
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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