What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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How many archaeologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One team, but they'll label every piece of the old one, mark its location in the room, and write a detailed description before determining that it was used to store cornmeal.
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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