What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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