What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?

They had reservations.
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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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What did one flower say to the other flower?

Hey, bud!
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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