What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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What is a frog's favorite year?

Leap Year
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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