What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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Who did Frankenstein take to the dance?

His "ghoul" friend!
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How many technical writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, provided there is a programmer around to explain how to do it.
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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