What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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