What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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Where did the music teacher leave her keys?

In the piano!

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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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