What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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