What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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