What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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