What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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What did Delaware?

A New Jersey.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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