What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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