What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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How many ergonomicists does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. Four to decide which way the bulb ought to turn, and . . .
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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How many running-dog lackeys of the bourgeoisie does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to exploit the proletariat, and one to control the means of production!
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?

Skeet.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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