What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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