What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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How do you make an egg laugh?

Tell it a yolk.
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