What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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What has legs but doesn't walk?

A bed.
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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