What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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What's the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has the most stories.
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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