What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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