What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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What's the only difference between Donald Trump and Bozo the Clown?

Bozo The Clown has real hair on his head.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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