What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?

An envelope.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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