What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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