What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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What's the best parting gift?

A comb.
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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