What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.

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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.

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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.

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