What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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