What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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