What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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