What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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