What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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Why did they kick cinderella off the baseball team?

She kept running away from the ball.
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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