What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What do bees do with their honey?

They cell it.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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