What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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