What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream!
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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What does new age music sound like played backwards?

New age music.

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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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