What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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