What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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