What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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Why don't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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What kind of jam can you not eat?

A traffic jam.
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What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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