What did the alien say when he was out of room?

I'm all spaced out!
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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