What did the alien say when he was out of room?

I'm all spaced out!
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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