What did the alien say when he was out of room?

I'm all spaced out!
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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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Who's richer — the butcher, the baker, or the candlestick maker?

The baker, because he has lots of dough.
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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