What did the alien say when he was out of room?

I'm all spaced out!
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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Where do all the letters sleep?

In the alphabed.
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How can you get four suits for a dollar?


Buy a deck of cards.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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