What did the alien say when he was out of room?

I'm all spaced out!
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What does the toast wear to bed?

Jammies!
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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What kind of jam can you not eat?

A traffic jam.
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Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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What do you call a rabbit with beetles all over it?

Bugs Bunny.
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