What did the alien say when he was out of room?

I'm all spaced out!
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What do you call two banana peels?

Slippers.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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"Dyslexic man walks into a bra"
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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