What did the alien say when he was out of room?

I'm all spaced out!
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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Have you heard the joke about the butter?

I better not tell you, it might spread.
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A man goes to a zoo and discovers there is only one animal and it's a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu
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