What did the alien say when he was out of room?

I'm all spaced out!
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How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef.
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What's the only difference between Donald Trump and Bozo the Clown?

Bozo The Clown has real hair on his head.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

"Many hands make light work."
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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