What did the alien say when he was out of room?

I'm all spaced out!
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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A Bhuddist monk goes to a hotdog stand

and says make me one with everything.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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