What did the alien say when he was out of room?

I'm all spaced out!
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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