What did the alien say when he was out of room?

I'm all spaced out!
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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And the mermaid, that was weird. What was she wearing in math class?

An Algae-bra
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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