What did the alien say when he was out of room?

I'm all spaced out!
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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What kind of table has no legs.

A multiplication table.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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How many bikers does it take to change a light bulb?

It takes two. One to change the bulb, and the other to kick the switch.
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