What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef.
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Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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What do you call a young army?

Infantry.
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