What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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