What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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What is black when clean, and white when dirty?

A blackboard.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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