What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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