What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it

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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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