What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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