What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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What do you call a snowman in the desert?

A puddle!
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How many supply-siders does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The darkness will cause the bulb to change by itself.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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