What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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What did the clock do after it ate?

It went back four seconds!
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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