What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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What is a spaceman's favorite chocolate?

A marsbar!
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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