What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.

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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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What's the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has the most stories.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.

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