What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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