What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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How many Einsteins does it take to change a light bulb?

That depends on the speed of the change and the mass of the bulb. Or vice versa, of course. It just might be easier to leave the bulb and change the room. It's all relative.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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