What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?

Dead.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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How did the bubble gum cross the road?

On the bottom of the chicken's foot!
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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