What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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How many ``pro-lifers'' does it take to change a light bulb?

6: 2 to screw in the bulb and 4 to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How do you know when its Michael Jacksons bed time ?

When the big hand touches the little hand
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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Once there was a family called the Biggers. There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and their son. Who was bigger, Mr. Bigger or his son?

His son, because he's a little Bigger!
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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