What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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What is Donald Trump "really" trying to do?

Make America Hate Again.
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