What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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