What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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