What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!

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What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

A screwdriver.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

Itís a little fishy.
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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.

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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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