What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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