What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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