What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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How do you make an egg laugh?

Tell it a yolk.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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