What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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What does new age music sound like played backwards?

New age music.

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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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