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What did the boat say to the pier?
What's up, dock?
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.
But that's just nuts
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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When are kids most likely to go to school?
When the door is open.
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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?
Its shadow
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?
Because they taste funny!
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?
Squeaky clean
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?
Because Mercury moved in.
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What is a tree's favorite drink?
Root beer.
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