What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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Why did Mickey Mouse go to outer space?

He was looking for Pluto.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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