What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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How many ergonomicists does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. Four to decide which way the bulb ought to turn, and . . .
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