What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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How many [ethnics] does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Ten. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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