What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick.
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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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