What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Why did they kick cinderella off the baseball team?

She kept running away from the ball.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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