What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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Where do computers go to dance?

The disk-o!
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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What does new age music sound like played backwards?

New age music.

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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
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