What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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