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What did the boat say to the pier?
What's up, dock?
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Why does a dog wag its tail?
Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work.
There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?
It gave a little wine
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What element is derived from a Norse god?
Thorium.
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?
If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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What do you call a messy hippo?
A hippopota-mess
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How many members of the United Church of Canada does it take to change a light bulb?
How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the light bulb has chosen an alternative light-style?
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?
No way Hose A.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.
That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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