What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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