What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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What does new age music sound like played backwards?

New age music.

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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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