What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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