What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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