What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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