What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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