What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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What's the best parting gift?

A comb.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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What did the judge say to the dentist?

Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
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