What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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A man goes to a zoo and discovers there is only one animal and it's a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

Many hands make light work.
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin'!
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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