What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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How do they serve smart hamburgers?

On honor rolls.
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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Why did Lil Wayne go to the Doctor?

He was feeling a Lil Weezy

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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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How many [ethnics] does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Ten. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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