What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three:

One to write the light bulb removal program,
one to write the light bulb insertion program, and

one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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