What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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How do you handle dangerous cheese?

Caerphilly.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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