What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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How many [ethnics] does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Ten. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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What do you call a calf after it's six months old?

Seven months old.
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Why do you think Civil Disobedience was such a fantastic essay?

Thoreau editing Thorough.
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What can you put in a barrel to make it lighter?

Holes.
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