What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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Why did the chicken cross the clothing store?

To get to the other size!
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

Great food, no atmosphere.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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