What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."

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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.

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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.

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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.

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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze

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Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling well!

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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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