What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter rabbit?

Bugs Bunny.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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How many anarchists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

All of them.
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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That girl said she knew me from the vegitarian club,

but I'd never seen herbivore [her before]
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