What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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