What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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How many efficiency experts does it take to replace a light bulb?

None. Efficiency experts replace only dark bulbs.
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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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What do you call a rabbit with beetles all over it?

Bugs Bunny.
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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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