What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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What's green and flies as fast as a speeding bullet?

Super Pickle!
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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