What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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How many technical writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, provided there is a programmer around to explain how to do it.
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How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Agnostics question whether electricity really exists.
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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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Why do you think Civil Disobedience was such a fantastic essay?

Thoreau editing Thorough.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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