What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but they're really only one.
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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Which reindeer likes to clean?

Comet
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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