What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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