What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
Your Honor.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50

Senator.
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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Why are the middle ages sometimes called the Dark Ages?

Because they had so many knights.
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