What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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