What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.

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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.

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How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .

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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.

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