What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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How many WASPs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Silly, WASPs don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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