What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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Who makes the best cake on a baseball team?

The batter.
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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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