What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter rabbit?

Bugs Bunny.
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What did one tooth say to the other tooth?

The dentist is taking me out tonight.
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What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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