What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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Why did Bach have so many children?

He did not have a stop on his organ.

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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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