What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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How do you handle dangerous cheese?

Caerphilly.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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