What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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Where do all the letters sleep?

In the alphabed.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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