What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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