What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it

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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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What kind of dress can't be worn?

Address.
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