What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.

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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
Your Honor.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50

Senator.

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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.

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How many Einsteins does it take to change a light bulb?

That depends on the speed of the change and the mass of the bulb. Or vice versa, of course. It just might be easier to leave the bulb and change the room. It's all relative.

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What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.

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What has three letters and starts with gas?

A car

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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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