What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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What do you call a fairy who doesn't take a bath?

Stinker Bell.
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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