What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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