What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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