What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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Why is tennis such a loud game?

Because each player raises a racquet.
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