What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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