What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
Your Honor.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50

Senator.
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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