What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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Why does the Easter Bunny have a shiny nose?

His powder puff is on the wrong end.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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