What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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And how come her cell phone bill was so high?

She was a Roman (roamin) Catholic
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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