What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but they're really only one.
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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