What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What is a baby's motto?

If at first you don't succeed, cry and cry again!
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