What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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Why did the basketball player bring his suitcase to his game?

Because he traveled a lot.
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What do camels use to hide themselves?

Camelflauge
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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How many Mensans does it take to tell Mensa light bulb jokes?

Five. One to tell the joke and one to get it.
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