What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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How many members of the United Church of Canada does it take to change a light bulb?

How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the light bulb has chosen an alternative light-style?
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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