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What did the candle say to the other candle?
I'm going out tonight!
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?
Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?
The caterer.
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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?
Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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What does new age music sound like played backwards?
New age music.
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What is a frog's favorite year?
Leap Year
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Where do fish keep their money?
In a river bank
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Which day do fish hate?
Fryday
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.
It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Four fonts walk into a bar
the barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"
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