What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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What's the best parting gift?

A comb.
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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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