What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What is a frog's favorite year?

Leap Year
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?

A Moo-sician!

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