What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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What's the best parting gift?

A comb.
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What do you call a rabbit with beetles all over it?

Bugs Bunny.
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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