What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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What did one flower say to the other flower?

Hey, bud!
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