What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be baygulls!
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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