What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?

10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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