What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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