What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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Why is tennis such a loud game?

Because each player raises a racquet.
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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