What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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Why is slippery ice like music?

If you don't C sharp - you'll B flat!

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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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What did the rug say to the floor?

Don't move, I've got you covered.
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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