What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark

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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.

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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.

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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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When is a door not a door?

When it's ajar!
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