What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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What do Michael Jackson and x-boxs have in common?

They're both plastic and little boys turn them on.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What does cheese like to drink?

Morbier
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