What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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