What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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Why did they kick cinderella off the baseball team?

She kept running away from the ball.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be baygulls!
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Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?

"Feel the World."
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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Why do you think Civil Disobedience was such a fantastic essay?

Thoreau editing Thorough.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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