What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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What does new age music sound like played backwards?

New age music.

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What is a frog's favorite year?

Leap Year
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Four fonts walk into a bar

the barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"

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