What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter rabbit?

Bugs Bunny.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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How do you make an egg laugh?

Tell it a yolk.
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How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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