What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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What's a frog's favorite drink?

Croak-a-cola.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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