What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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How do chickens get strong?

Egg-cersize.
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How do you cut a wave in half?

Use a sea saw.
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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