What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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Why did they kick cinderella off the baseball team?

She kept running away from the ball.
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Where does Dorian Gray shop?

Forever 21
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What do basketball players and babies have in common?

They both dribble.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What's the best parting gift?

A comb.
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