What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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