What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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