What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

You crack me up!
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How can you get four suits for a dollar?


Buy a deck of cards.
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