What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?

A tattoo.

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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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