What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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I'm sorry we can't let the elephants back into the public pool.

They keep dropping their trunks.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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