What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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