What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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How many archaeologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One team, but they'll label every piece of the old one, mark its location in the room, and write a detailed description before determining that it was used to store cornmeal.
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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
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