What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?

When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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