What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986
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