What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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Why did the student eat her homework?

Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!
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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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