What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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