What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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Why did the student eat her homework?

Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
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What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it

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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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What is the chemical formula for "banana"?

BaNa2
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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