What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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The stormtrooper was enjoying the Wookie steak,

but it was a little Chewie.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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