What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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How many [ethnics] does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Ten. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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