What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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