What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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What do you call a young army?

Infantry.
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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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What do you call a snowman in the desert?

A puddle!
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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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