What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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Why did the rooster cross the road?

To prove he wasn't a chicken!
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Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Snow.
Snow who?

Snowbody!
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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How many efficiency experts does it take to replace a light bulb?

None. Efficiency experts replace only dark bulbs.
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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but they're really only one.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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