What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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