What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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