What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?

Nearly unanswerable, since the one who tries to change it usually drops it, and the others call for a planning session.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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