What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Once there was a family called the Biggers. There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and their son. Who was bigger, Mr. Bigger or his son?

His son, because he's a little Bigger!
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Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What's the definition of a minor second?

Two flutes playing in unison.

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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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