What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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