What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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