What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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