What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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