What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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