What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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What is a snowman's favorite breakfast?

Frosted Flakes!
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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