What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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Why did the girl throw the butter out the window?

She wanted to see a butterfly.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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Why did the oreo go to the dentist?

To get his filling!
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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