What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood

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So I was on a train with Einstein and he turns to me and asks...

Does Boston stop at this train?
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.

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What kind of dress can't be worn?

Address.

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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish

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