What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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What does new age music sound like played backwards?

New age music.

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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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Interesting story, the guy who helped me learn algebra never farted around anyone.

I mean he did say he was a private tutor.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling well!
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