What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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