What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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How many college girls does it take to change a light bulb?

That's "women," you unfunny jerk!
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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What robs you while you're in the bathtub?

A robber ducky.
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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