What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What is Donald Trump "really" trying to do?

Make America Hate Again.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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