What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?

It's time to go to sweep.
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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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