What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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Why don't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.
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What's the best parting gift?

A comb.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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