What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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How does the ocean say hello?

It waves.
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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