What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?

A Moo-sician!

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