What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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When the attendant asked the photon if it had any bags to check

It said Nah, I'm traveling light.
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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Why did the girl throw the butter out the window?

She wanted to see a butterfly.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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