What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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What is always hot in the refrigerator?

Chili
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How many ``pro-lifers'' does it take to change a light bulb?

6: 2 to screw in the bulb and 4 to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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How many lawyer jokes are there?

Only three. The rest are true stories.
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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