What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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Which reindeer likes to clean?

Comet
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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