What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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