What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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A seal walks into a club...
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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What do you call a song sung in an automobile?

A cartoon.
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What does one bucket say to the other?

I am feeling pale today.
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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