What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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