What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time!
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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