What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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