What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and the other two to help him down off the keg.
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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