What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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