What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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What is at the end of everything?

The letter G.
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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