What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?

"Feel the World."
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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