What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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What do a baker and a millionaire have in common?

They are both rolling in the dough!
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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