What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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