What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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