What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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