What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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