What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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How many Einsteins does it take to change a light bulb?

That depends on the speed of the change and the mass of the bulb. Or vice versa, of course. It just might be easier to leave the bulb and change the room. It's all relative.
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