What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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