What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

Get out of my sun!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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