What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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Why did they kick cinderella off the baseball team?

She kept running away from the ball.
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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