What did the clock do after it ate?

It went back four seconds!
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've got you covered!
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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