What did the clock do after it ate?

It went back four seconds!
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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