What did the clock do after it ate?

It went back four seconds!
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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