What did the clock do after it ate?

It went back four seconds!
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That's a software problem.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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