What did the clock do after it ate?

It went back four seconds!
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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How do Vikings send secret messages?

Norse code.
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