What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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