What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me

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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.

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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.

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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.

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How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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