What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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