What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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Who makes the best cake on a baseball team?

The batter.
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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