What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse?

Kitty Perry

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