What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me

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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and the other two to help him down off the keg.

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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.

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Two girls were born on the same day, same year, same parents, except they are not twins. Explain:

They are triplets.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet

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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish

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