What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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