What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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