What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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