What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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