What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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