What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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Why was the baseball game so hot?

Because all the fans left!
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What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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