What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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How do you make an egg laugh?

Tell it a yolk.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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