What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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What is a boxer's favorite drink?

Punch.
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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