What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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