What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What do Michael Jackson and x-boxs have in common?

They're both plastic and little boys turn them on.
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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