What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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