What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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