What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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How can you get four suits for a dollar?


Buy a deck of cards.
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

Get out of my sun!
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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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