What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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Why did the rooster cross the road?

To prove he wasn't a chicken!
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How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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