What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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Where do you learn to make banana splits?

In sundae school.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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