What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What did Tennessee?

The same thing Arkansas.
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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What do you call a snowman in the desert?

A puddle!
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What do you call a sad bird?

A bluebird!
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How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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What does one bucket say to the other?

I am feeling pale today.
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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