What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.

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How many pre-med students does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder out from under him/her.

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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda

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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.

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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends

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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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