What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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How many PA' does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What's a light bulb?
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