What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.

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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.

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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"

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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".

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Why did the oreo go to the dentist?

To get his filling!
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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream!
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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