What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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How many pre-med students does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder out from under him/her.

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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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I think I want a job cleaning mirrors.


It's something I could really see myself doing.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!

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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.

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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?

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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.

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