What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.

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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".

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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh

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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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