What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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What is a spaceman's favorite chocolate?

A marsbar!
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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A Bhuddist monk goes to a hotdog stand

and says make me one with everything.
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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