What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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