What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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Why are the middle ages sometimes called the Dark Ages?

Because they had so many knights.
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin'!
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