What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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The defendant is accused of putting dynamite into a steer.

Abominable! [A Bomb In a Bull]
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
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What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?

Skeet.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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