What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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Where do all the letters sleep?

In the alphabed.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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