What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With its sparrowchute.
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

"Many hands make light work."
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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