What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That's a software problem.
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How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?

One; she designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one, and screw itself in.
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How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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