What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?

Dead.
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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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