What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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How many chiropractors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but it takes six visits.
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.
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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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What did Cinderella say to the photographer?

Some day my prints will come.
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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