What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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