What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse?

Kitty Perry

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How did the egg cross the road?

It scrambled across!
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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Ah, I had a great boomerang joke...

It'll come back to me.
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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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