What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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