What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That's a software problem.
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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