What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet.
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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