What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.
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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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