What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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