What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What is a frog's favorite year?

Leap Year
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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