What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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