What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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What robs you while you're in the bathtub?

A robber ducky.
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What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What's brown and looks really good on a lawyer?

A Doberman.
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What is Donald Trumps favorite song?

ICE ICE Baby......
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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