What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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