What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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How many Klingons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and take all the credit.
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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