What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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