What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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Know how copper wire was invented?

Two lawyers were fighting over a penny.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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