What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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