What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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How do crows stick together in a flock?

Velcrow.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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