What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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Which search engine is popular amongst mice?

Ask Cheese.
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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