What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?

Not enough sand.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time!
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Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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What is a boxer's favorite drink?

Punch.
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