What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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