What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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How many college girls does it take to change a light bulb?

That's "women," you unfunny jerk!
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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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