What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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