What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?

Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to the experience.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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