What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.
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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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