What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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