What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin'!
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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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