What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What is Donald Trump "really" trying to do?

Make America Hate Again.
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Why did the banana split?

It saw the ginger snap.
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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